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Sync and corrected by rickSG
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:07,922 --> 00:00:10,757
♪ I'm goin' down to South
Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
3
00:00:10,859 --> 00:00:12,592
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
4
00:00:12,694 --> 00:00:14,727
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
5
00:00:14,813 --> 00:00:17,897
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
6
00:00:18,033 --> 00:00:19,615
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
7
00:00:19,734 --> 00:00:21,401
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
8
00:00:21,536 --> 00:00:24,654
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
9
00:00:24,739 --> 00:00:27,740
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
10
00:00:27,876 --> 00:00:30,750
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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00:00:33,236 --> 00:00:35,269
[Indistinct conversations]
12
00:00:39,976 --> 00:00:41,034
Morning, Randy.
13
00:00:41,199 --> 00:00:42,267
Morning, Ger.
14
00:00:42,437 --> 00:00:44,358
Just another day in paradise, huh?
15
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,301
Yeah, look at all these new restaurants
the Whole Foods has brought in.
16
00:00:47,478 --> 00:00:48,943
Let's try out that one there.
17
00:00:50,896 --> 00:00:52,271
Hi. Two of us, please.
18
00:00:52,331 --> 00:00:54,465
Yeah, sorry, guys. We got
about a 30-minute wait.
19
00:00:54,607 --> 00:00:56,104
Oh, uh, excuse me.
20
00:00:56,209 --> 00:00:57,468
[Whispers indistinctly]
21
00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,592
Yes, sir. Give me a second.
I'll have a table right away.
22
00:01:01,514 --> 00:01:03,089
Whoa. What'd you say to him?
23
00:01:03,305 --> 00:01:05,226
I just told him who I am.
24
00:01:05,585 --> 00:01:06,692
Who are you?
25
00:01:06,753 --> 00:01:07,978
I'm a Yelp reviewer.
26
00:01:08,078 --> 00:01:11,282
I usually keep it on the down-low
so they don't kiss my ass too much.
27
00:01:11,357 --> 00:01:12,665
Right over here, sir.
28
00:01:13,984 --> 00:01:15,969
All right, guys, welcome to Vernacular.
29
00:01:16,004 --> 00:01:16,928
Thanks.
30
00:01:17,013 --> 00:01:18,822
Uh, did they mention to
you that I am a Yelper?
31
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,882
Yes, we've been alerted, sir.
32
00:01:21,047 --> 00:01:21,931
Great.
33
00:01:22,043 --> 00:01:24,121
Could you have them turn the
lights up a little, please?
34
00:01:25,105 --> 00:01:28,487
Oh, look at it, Gerald... All
the new families moving in.
35
00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,122
Our little town is all grown up.
36
00:01:33,630 --> 00:01:35,904
Where's that other taco
plate? We need it now!
37
00:01:36,070 --> 00:01:37,698
I'm a little overwhelmed.
38
00:01:37,877 --> 00:01:41,076
I know, but we put everything into
moving here and starting this business,
39
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,724
and we have to be impressive.
40
00:01:42,805 --> 00:01:45,412
David, you must help
your mama however you can.
41
00:01:45,447 --> 00:01:47,601
We're not going back
to that miserable place.
42
00:01:47,636 --> 00:01:48,674
I don't want to go back, either.
43
00:01:48,833 --> 00:01:50,321
- Okay, done.
- Great!
44
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:53,625
We really have to impress this
customer. He's a local food critic.
45
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:55,880
Another one?
46
00:01:56,286 --> 00:01:58,035
[Mid-tempo Mexican music playing]
47
00:01:58,121 --> 00:01:59,704
Mmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm.
48
00:01:59,889 --> 00:02:01,092
Okay, here you go, amigo...
49
00:02:01,245 --> 00:02:03,136
Another taco plate and the taquitos.
50
00:02:03,243 --> 00:02:04,408
Oh, thank you.
51
00:02:04,544 --> 00:02:06,207
And did I mention I am
a food critic for Yelp?
52
00:02:06,353 --> 00:02:08,186
Yes, you mentioned that several times.
53
00:02:08,331 --> 00:02:09,887
Okay, I just didn't want
you caught off guard.
54
00:02:10,031 --> 00:02:12,257
I was thinking of giving
this place five stars.
55
00:02:12,368 --> 00:02:13,341
Really?
56
00:02:13,376 --> 00:02:16,907
Yeah, but I'm kind of teetering
on five stars or one star.
57
00:02:17,065 --> 00:02:19,490
Oh, no, no. No one star,
please. What can we do to...
58
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,338
I mean, I could probably be
persuaded with some free desserts.
59
00:02:22,457 --> 00:02:23,640
Let me get that for you.
60
00:02:23,796 --> 00:02:25,346
Great. And could you
turn down the music a bit?
61
00:02:25,431 --> 00:02:28,099
- This pagan shit hurts my ears.
- Of course.
62
00:02:28,234 --> 00:02:29,745
[Music softens]
63
00:02:29,901 --> 00:02:31,254
Oh, hey. Hey, busboy. [Snapping fingers]
64
00:02:31,416 --> 00:02:33,515
Busboy! Busboy! Por favor!
[Whistles]
65
00:02:33,656 --> 00:02:35,588
- Busboy!
- My name is David.
66
00:02:35,675 --> 00:02:38,623
- Excuse me?
- I said my name is David.
67
00:02:38,795 --> 00:02:41,231
Uh, it's actually
pronounced "Day-vid," okay?
68
00:02:41,398 --> 00:02:43,005
Well, I'm "Da-veed."
69
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:44,695
It's David, dude. Look it up.
70
00:02:44,887 --> 00:02:45,920
What's going on?
71
00:02:45,975 --> 00:02:47,952
Do not argue, son. We need him.
72
00:02:48,288 --> 00:02:50,318
There you are... A few
free desserts. [Bell dings]
73
00:02:50,353 --> 00:02:52,088
Oh, excuse me. More customers.
74
00:02:52,292 --> 00:02:54,973
- Hi. Two of us for lunch, please.
- Yes. Right away.
75
00:02:55,115 --> 00:02:58,642
Oh, and, uh, I just wanted to mention
that my wife and I are Yelp reviewers,
76
00:02:58,801 --> 00:03:00,301
so, uh, your best table, please.
77
00:03:00,454 --> 00:03:01,964
Oh, geez. You guys, too, huh?
78
00:03:02,068 --> 00:03:04,653
Okay, um, I'll get you set
up right over here, okay?
79
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,721
Mm-hmm.
80
00:03:07,116 --> 00:03:09,875
Hmm. This place seems nice.
81
00:03:09,910 --> 00:03:11,343
I guess we'll see.
82
00:03:11,361 --> 00:03:13,395
I guess we'll see, won't we?
83
00:03:13,696 --> 00:03:16,088
Oh, God. Now everyone
thinks they're a food critic.
84
00:03:17,116 --> 00:03:19,650
[School bell rings]
85
00:03:21,540 --> 00:03:23,304
Did you get them? Did you get
them? Did you get them? Huh?
86
00:03:23,305 --> 00:03:24,405
Here you go.
87
00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:25,052
Whoa.
88
00:03:25,213 --> 00:03:26,882
Crispy risotto bites from Olive Garden.
89
00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:28,376
How do you do it, Eric?
90
00:03:28,394 --> 00:03:30,699
I'm a restaurant critic,
Butters. I get whatever I want.
91
00:03:30,964 --> 00:03:32,418
Geez.
92
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,932
So, the cafeteria's back that way,
93
00:03:34,076 --> 00:03:35,916
and most of the classrooms
are this way down the...
94
00:03:36,002 --> 00:03:37,509
Ew! What's the busboy doing here?
95
00:03:37,537 --> 00:03:40,023
- David is new to our school.
- Oh, cool.
96
00:03:40,190 --> 00:03:41,772
Are you gonna clean
the tables here, too?
97
00:03:41,916 --> 00:03:44,628
How do you get to school? Do you
ride your tiny bicicleta? Huh?
98
00:03:44,663 --> 00:03:45,674
Shut up.
99
00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:48,134
Look, amigo, I'm sorry I only gave
your parents' restaurant two stars,
100
00:03:48,192 --> 00:03:50,663
- but it could've been worse.
- Why'd you only give them two stars?
101
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,753
I'm sorry, but the food
totally messed my stomach up.
102
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,364
The morning after I ate
it, I went to the bathroom,
103
00:03:54,365 --> 00:03:56,858
and my poop was all solid...
Like, no water at all.
104
00:03:56,890 --> 00:03:57,863
It's not supposed to have water, you...
105
00:03:58,006 --> 00:04:01,138
It was like this one, solid piece
that I had to push out my asshole.
106
00:04:01,311 --> 00:04:03,278
It was like being raped from the inside.
107
00:04:03,313 --> 00:04:05,264
Your parents' restaurant just
wasn't up to my standards, "Day-vid."
108
00:04:05,349 --> 00:04:06,878
- "Da-veed."
- "Day-vid."
109
00:04:07,136 --> 00:04:08,278
- "Da-veed."
- "Day-vid."
110
00:04:08,594 --> 00:04:09,736
"Da-veed."
111
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:10,904
"Day-vid." "Day-vid."
"Day-vid." "Day-vid."
112
00:04:11,052 --> 00:04:13,734
I can update this to a one-star
review in two seconds, dude.
113
00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:19,741
Oh, God, I love being
a restaurant critic.
114
00:04:20,630 --> 00:04:22,680
[Keyboard clacking]
115
00:04:23,049 --> 00:04:24,643
[Serene music playing] GERALD:
And yet, there was more.
116
00:04:24,985 --> 00:04:28,286
For in this crisp time
when autumn begins to fade,
117
00:04:28,371 --> 00:04:30,371
the chef brines
chicken in habañero
118
00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:33,491
and even adds habañero
powder to the crust.
119
00:04:33,627 --> 00:04:36,127
But the heat is restrained.
120
00:04:36,212 --> 00:04:40,798
You experience the fruity, delicious
flavor of this without any spicy pain.
121
00:04:40,884 --> 00:04:42,500
I don't need anymore pain.
122
00:04:42,636 --> 00:04:44,669
Hell, does anyone?
123
00:04:45,713 --> 00:04:47,055
Gerald, we're going to the park.
124
00:04:47,173 --> 00:04:48,673
You want to come along?
125
00:04:48,808 --> 00:04:52,093
Sorry, honey. This review for
Applebee's has turned into a 50-pager.
126
00:04:52,178 --> 00:04:54,896
Then I have a polish on Ruby Tuesday's.
127
00:04:55,015 --> 00:04:56,681
Why don't you take a
break from Yelping, Gerald?
128
00:04:56,766 --> 00:04:58,349
You seem a little overwhelmed.
129
00:04:58,435 --> 00:05:00,351
I am overwhelmed.
130
00:05:00,437 --> 00:05:03,187
Sometimes, I don't know
what I've gotten myself into.
131
00:05:03,273 --> 00:05:05,907
But now everyone relies
on my Yelp reviews,
132
00:05:06,026 --> 00:05:08,409
and I-I don't want to let anyone down.
133
00:05:08,528 --> 00:05:10,611
Well, there's chicken in
the fridge if you get hungry.
134
00:05:10,697 --> 00:05:14,248
Thanks, but I-I got Yelp a new
place in Shi Tpa Town tonight.
135
00:05:14,367 --> 00:05:16,200
God, I'm so damn tired.
136
00:05:16,336 --> 00:05:18,202
Okay, have fun.
137
00:05:18,338 --> 00:05:20,538
Ha. "Fun," she says.
138
00:05:21,708 --> 00:05:25,209
In finality, I would say my
experience at Applebee's was sublime
139
00:05:25,345 --> 00:05:28,429
and my treatment near that of
a gladiator most decorated.
140
00:05:28,448 --> 00:05:29,797
But the street parking
wasn't that great.
141
00:05:29,883 --> 00:05:31,716
Two-and-a-half
stars.
142
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,803
Yes.
143
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:39,188
Come on, Liza.
I'll introduce you to the girls.
144
00:05:42,112 --> 00:05:43,561
Well, aren't you eating lunch, Eric?
145
00:05:43,646 --> 00:05:45,229
[Scoffs] I am a food
critic, Butters, okay?
146
00:05:45,365 --> 00:05:47,315
I can't just eat cafeteria food.
147
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,733
Okay, here you are, sir!
148
00:05:48,818 --> 00:05:50,234
There's orange peel chicken,
149
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,153
some city beef, and a city egg roll!
150
00:05:52,238 --> 00:05:53,571
Are you joking?
151
00:05:53,707 --> 00:05:55,073
Well, you are a little late.
152
00:05:55,158 --> 00:05:57,208
Like, I don't know,
maybe only-one-star late.
153
00:05:57,293 --> 00:05:58,960
Oh, no. No one star, please.
154
00:05:59,079 --> 00:06:00,628
You Yelpers are killing me.
155
00:06:00,747 --> 00:06:02,880
Okay, you no pay. You no pay. Please.
156
00:06:02,966 --> 00:06:04,415
Sounds good. Now get
the [bleep] out of here.
157
00:06:04,501 --> 00:06:05,416
Yes, yes!
158
00:06:05,552 --> 00:06:07,085
I'll get the [bleep] out! Thank you!
159
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:09,087
Wow. Well, you're
pretty important, Eric.
160
00:06:09,222 --> 00:06:11,139
He's not important at all.
161
00:06:11,257 --> 00:06:12,390
Yeah, no.
162
00:06:12,475 --> 00:06:14,092
No, no, you're right,
Kyle. I'm not important.
163
00:06:14,227 --> 00:06:16,260
Oh, hey, David, I was just wondering.
164
00:06:16,396 --> 00:06:18,062
Um, how do you get to school?
165
00:06:18,148 --> 00:06:21,733
Do you ride your tiny bicicleta? Eh?
166
00:06:21,818 --> 00:06:23,067
- Stop it.
- What?
167
00:06:23,153 --> 00:06:24,235
I just want to hear him say,
168
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:28,106
"Si, me ride me tiny
bicicleta to school."
169
00:06:28,241 --> 00:06:31,159
Si, me ride me tiny bicicleta to school.
170
00:06:31,277 --> 00:06:32,443
[Laughing] That's awesome.
171
00:06:32,529 --> 00:06:33,611
I'm gonna go out to recess.
172
00:06:33,747 --> 00:06:35,279
Will you bus this for me, David? Thanks.
173
00:06:35,365 --> 00:06:38,449
Ah, don't. Dude... Dude, don't.
174
00:06:38,585 --> 00:06:39,867
[Keyboard clacking]
175
00:06:39,953 --> 00:06:42,453
[Sighs]
176
00:06:42,589 --> 00:06:43,671
Sir, it's midnight.
177
00:06:43,790 --> 00:06:45,256
Go home. Get some sleep.
178
00:06:45,341 --> 00:06:48,459
There's no time to sleep when
the city's counting on me.
179
00:06:48,545 --> 00:06:49,794
More Yelp reviews, sir?
180
00:06:49,879 --> 00:06:52,096
I had a bad experience at Red Lobster,
181
00:06:52,182 --> 00:06:54,599
and if the people don't know
about it, they could, too.
182
00:06:54,684 --> 00:06:56,768
Folks deserve to know
where to eat, Mitch.
183
00:06:56,853 --> 00:06:58,603
But does anyone even thank you for it?
184
00:06:58,688 --> 00:07:00,054
I don't need them to.
185
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:02,473
I know they need me, and that's enough.
186
00:07:02,609 --> 00:07:04,392
God bless you, sir.
187
00:07:04,477 --> 00:07:06,561
I know.
188
00:07:11,785 --> 00:07:13,651
Welcome to Whistlin' Willy's.
189
00:07:13,787 --> 00:07:15,453
Y'all enjoying your pizza?
190
00:07:15,589 --> 00:07:18,411
Look here, my good man. We've
been waiting over 15 minutes
191
00:07:18,441 --> 00:07:20,408
for you to sing "Happy
Birthday" to our son.
192
00:07:20,493 --> 00:07:21,993
Unfortunately for you,
193
00:07:22,128 --> 00:07:24,712
we are both restaurant
critics, and so is our son.
194
00:07:24,831 --> 00:07:26,047
One star.
195
00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:29,167
Excuse me! Emergency!
Over here! Emergency!
196
00:07:29,252 --> 00:07:32,488
I would like a table inside the area
with all the little plastic balls, please.
197
00:07:32,506 --> 00:07:34,722
And make it snappy. I am
a food critic for Yelp.
198
00:07:34,841 --> 00:07:37,675
That does it! I've had enough!
199
00:07:37,811 --> 00:07:41,062
All you Yelp reviewers
get the hell out of here!
200
00:07:41,181 --> 00:07:43,199
I don't care what
happens to my business!
201
00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:46,234
I ain't kissing your asses no more!
202
00:07:47,621 --> 00:07:48,736
[Chair scraping] Go on.
203
00:07:48,855 --> 00:07:51,372
Every Yelper, get the
[bleep] out of here!
204
00:07:51,491 --> 00:07:54,325
Careful now, Bill. You
don't want a one-star review.
205
00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:56,694
You're not a food critic, Dennis!
206
00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:58,246
You're a [bleep] mechanic!
207
00:07:58,364 --> 00:08:00,448
Now get the [bleep] out! Go on!
208
00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:05,086
All you Yelping sons of bitches
get the [bleep] out of here!
209
00:08:05,205 --> 00:08:07,121
You're gonna regret
this, Whistlin' Willy.
210
00:08:07,207 --> 00:08:09,040
You can't treat Yelpers this way.
211
00:08:09,175 --> 00:08:11,042
You get the... Get the [bleep] out!
212
00:08:11,127 --> 00:08:12,960
[Thud] Ow!
213
00:08:13,046 --> 00:08:14,679
[Door slams]
214
00:08:14,764 --> 00:08:16,380
Well, good for you.
215
00:08:16,466 --> 00:08:17,882
You, too, you son of a bitch.
216
00:08:18,017 --> 00:08:19,383
Whoa! Hey!
217
00:08:22,555 --> 00:08:27,308
It's over! It's over!
[Yelling indistinctly]
218
00:08:27,393 --> 00:08:29,977
You see paper?! It's over!
219
00:08:30,063 --> 00:08:32,481
Whistlin' Willy! He
stand up to the Yelpers!
220
00:08:32,847 --> 00:08:35,212
We don't have to kiss
their asses anymore!
221
00:08:35,374 --> 00:08:37,568
Look! Everybody doing the same!
222
00:08:37,654 --> 00:08:38,619
[Laughs]
223
00:08:38,738 --> 00:08:40,071
[Singsong voice] It's over! It's over!
224
00:08:40,156 --> 00:08:41,789
[Normal voice] Hey,
Skeeter, you hear the news?
225
00:08:41,908 --> 00:08:43,958
It's a miracle.
226
00:08:44,077 --> 00:08:46,911
It's a miracle!
227
00:08:47,506 --> 00:08:50,081
[Humming] What the [bleep]
228
00:08:50,216 --> 00:08:52,466
Uh, dude, somebody
spilled shit on the floor.
229
00:08:52,585 --> 00:08:54,419
Hey, David, somebody
spilled something here.
230
00:08:54,504 --> 00:08:56,587
Could you clean this up, por favor?
231
00:08:56,673 --> 00:08:57,722
David? [Whistles]
232
00:08:57,807 --> 00:08:59,757
Over here. There's
some shit on the floor.
233
00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:02,298
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What's going on, man?
234
00:09:02,446 --> 00:09:03,480
You haven't heard?
235
00:09:03,515 --> 00:09:05,763
Nobody gives a [bleep] what
Yelp reviewers think anymore.
236
00:09:05,848 --> 00:09:06,931
What are you talking about?
237
00:09:07,066 --> 00:09:08,587
I'm the most influential
critic in this town.
238
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,654
Okay, David, forget the
spill. Just give me one little,
239
00:09:10,689 --> 00:09:14,105
"My name is David. Me ride
me bicicleta to school."
240
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:17,108
My name is "Da-veed."
241
00:09:17,243 --> 00:09:18,442
Ha!
242
00:09:19,613 --> 00:09:21,145
Okay, I'm... I'm updating my review.
243
00:09:21,281 --> 00:09:22,981
I'm about to do it.
244
00:09:23,984 --> 00:09:26,951
You better say, "I ride
me bicicleta to school!"
245
00:09:27,037 --> 00:09:29,954
One star.
246
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,657
No... no stars?
247
00:09:32,742 --> 00:09:34,876
No stars?
248
00:09:34,995 --> 00:09:37,745
You can't just treat
me like I'm nothing.
249
00:09:37,831 --> 00:09:40,498
I still know I'm worth something.
250
00:09:40,634 --> 00:09:42,383
Come on, guys.
251
00:09:46,089 --> 00:09:47,255
Oh, yeah. Y-you guys stay at school.
252
00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:49,774
That's cool. Y-you guys stay here.
253
00:10:24,939 --> 00:10:26,272
[Sighs]
254
00:10:26,374 --> 00:10:27,619
Oh, hey, Eric.
255
00:10:27,654 --> 00:10:28,708
It's all over, Butters.
256
00:10:28,810 --> 00:10:31,411
Everything I've worked
so hard to achieve.
257
00:10:31,513 --> 00:10:34,480
All these hack wannabe food critics
have made my profession a joke.
258
00:10:34,582 --> 00:10:35,815
Aw, I'm sorry, bud.
259
00:10:35,917 --> 00:10:37,917
All these people trying to be like me,
260
00:10:38,019 --> 00:10:40,486
and they don't even write about
poop consistency the next day.
261
00:10:40,588 --> 00:10:43,256
Well, Eric, you should be proud
that people want to be like you.
262
00:10:43,358 --> 00:10:44,991
I mean, you really started something.
263
00:10:45,093 --> 00:10:46,131
I guess.
264
00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:47,360
Well if these people look up to you,
265
00:10:47,462 --> 00:10:49,462
maybe... maybe you can sort
of set the record straight
266
00:10:49,564 --> 00:10:51,831
and show them the way
it's supposed to be done.
267
00:10:51,933 --> 00:10:53,132
You're right, Butters.
268
00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:55,802
Maybe I can actually use
all these people somehow
269
00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:58,338
to make real food
critics respected again.
270
00:11:03,778 --> 00:11:05,511
Harrison Yates, what's gotten into you?
271
00:11:05,613 --> 00:11:07,980
That's it, Maggie. I'm hanging it up.
272
00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:10,817
If people are gonna be trying
all the new restaurants in town,
273
00:11:10,919 --> 00:11:14,053
they'll have to do
it without my reviews.
274
00:11:14,139 --> 00:11:15,388
What are you talking about?
275
00:11:15,473 --> 00:11:17,890
You said that protecting people
from bad dining experiences
276
00:11:17,976 --> 00:11:19,175
was what kept you going.
277
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:22,178
The restaurants put up
signs saying I can't come in.
278
00:11:22,263 --> 00:11:24,063
I don't know why they singled me out,
279
00:11:24,149 --> 00:11:28,601
but it's like people don't need me.
280
00:11:28,737 --> 00:11:30,403
Well, I'll be damned.
281
00:11:30,488 --> 00:11:31,521
What is it?
282
00:11:31,606 --> 00:11:35,738
Somebody's put a note in the mailbox
asking me to come and talk to them.
283
00:11:35,739 --> 00:11:37,805
_
284
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,146
They do need me.
285
00:11:40,248 --> 00:11:41,381
I need to get going.
286
00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:42,815
You want me to come along?
287
00:11:42,917 --> 00:11:44,684
No. They're just asking for me.
288
00:11:44,786 --> 00:11:48,788
I guess maybe I do
have a town to protect.
289
00:11:52,827 --> 00:11:54,861
Oh, are you having a party, sweetheart?
290
00:11:54,963 --> 00:11:56,028
Not a party, mom.
291
00:11:56,131 --> 00:11:58,222
I've invited all the poser
food critics over for a meeting.
292
00:11:58,398 --> 00:11:59,432
Oh, how fun.
293
00:11:59,534 --> 00:12:00,967
It's not fun. It's serious.
294
00:12:01,069 --> 00:12:02,602
These people think
they can do what I do,
295
00:12:02,704 --> 00:12:04,404
but they need to be made
to understand the reality.
296
00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:05,905
When the Yelpers get here,
I need you to get lost, okay?
297
00:12:06,007 --> 00:12:06,939
[Knocks at door]
298
00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:09,642
Okay, that's them, that's
them. Go! Get lost, mom!
299
00:12:11,279 --> 00:12:12,395
ALL: Hello! Hi!
300
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,646
My name is [All saying name].
301
00:12:13,782 --> 00:12:15,031
I'm here for the meeting.
302
00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:16,399
Is this the right place?
303
00:12:16,484 --> 00:12:18,234
[Bleeeeeeeep]
304
00:12:20,155 --> 00:12:21,254
Mom!
305
00:12:21,289 --> 00:12:22,538
I'm going, honey.
306
00:12:22,657 --> 00:12:24,373
Mom, there's like a billion people here!
307
00:12:24,492 --> 00:12:27,293
Oh, yes, sweetie. I think quite
a few people are Yelp reviewers.
308
00:12:27,378 --> 00:12:29,980
Oh, this many people have nothing
better to do than write reviews on Yelp?
309
00:12:30,026 --> 00:12:32,331
I guess so, honey. Do
you need more lemonade?
310
00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:34,200
Mom, there's a [bleep]
billion people here.
311
00:12:34,302 --> 00:12:36,936
[All murmuring]
312
00:12:37,038 --> 00:12:39,872
Uh, thank you all for coming.
313
00:12:39,974 --> 00:12:41,607
My name is Eric, and as you know,
314
00:12:41,709 --> 00:12:43,376
us Yelpers are being scrutinized.
315
00:12:43,478 --> 00:12:46,546
[In distance] Can't you
speak a little louder?!
316
00:12:46,648 --> 00:12:49,348
Yes, us Yelp critics
are being scrutinized!
317
00:12:49,451 --> 00:12:51,250
That's right! Yeah!
318
00:12:51,352 --> 00:12:54,754
Now, you see the problem is that
when there's too many reviewers,
319
00:12:54,856 --> 00:12:57,590
people no longer know who
is the real food critic.
320
00:12:58,397 --> 00:13:00,960
It's great that you
all want to be critics,
321
00:13:01,062 --> 00:13:04,497
but we all know who the real
food analyst of the town is.
322
00:13:04,599 --> 00:13:05,631
That's right!
323
00:13:05,733 --> 00:13:06,837
Yeah!
324
00:13:06,872 --> 00:13:08,501
[Chuckles] Ha. Oh, thanks.
325
00:13:08,586 --> 00:13:12,371
Okay, so, as long as
there is one clear leader,
326
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:15,208
then the rest of you can just follow.
327
00:13:15,293 --> 00:13:18,044
And with this many people
all following one captain,
328
00:13:18,179 --> 00:13:20,313
we can fight to get our power back!
329
00:13:20,415 --> 00:13:22,515
Poweeeer back!
330
00:13:22,617 --> 00:13:25,184
So now rise up, and
fight for your leader!
331
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:28,888
Fight together, and show the restaurants
that our food critic does matter!
332
00:13:28,990 --> 00:13:30,256
[Cheers and applause]
333
00:13:30,358 --> 00:13:31,442
Yeah, let's go!
334
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,975
All right, follow me!
335
00:13:33,061 --> 00:13:36,062
This way, everyone!
336
00:13:39,984 --> 00:13:42,201
[Indistinct shouting]
337
00:13:42,287 --> 00:13:44,787
[People screaming]
338
00:13:50,495 --> 00:13:53,462
Another local business is
closing its doors tonight
339
00:13:53,581 --> 00:13:55,748
after being taken
down by Yelp reviewers.
340
00:13:55,884 --> 00:13:58,167
Whistlin' Willy's, a
child favorite in town,
341
00:13:58,253 --> 00:14:00,753
was destroyed and its
owner stripped and beheaded.
342
00:14:00,838 --> 00:14:03,055
The following video is graphic.
343
00:14:03,141 --> 00:14:05,558
No, please! No, no, no, no, no!
344
00:14:05,643 --> 00:14:06,759
[Crowd ululating]
345
00:14:06,844 --> 00:14:08,952
Aww!
346
00:14:10,035 --> 00:14:13,766
[George Thorogood's
"Bad to the Bone" plays]
347
00:14:31,786 --> 00:14:34,859
We all loved Whistlin' Willy's.
348
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,291
It didn't do well with Yelpers.
349
00:14:38,376 --> 00:14:39,876
You assholes destroyed
the best place in town
350
00:14:39,995 --> 00:14:41,294
because they wouldn't kiss your asses!
351
00:14:41,379 --> 00:14:43,246
Oh, come on, admit it. The food sucked.
352
00:14:43,331 --> 00:14:44,974
Nobody went for the [bleep] food!
353
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,049
Look, I'm sorry guys,
354
00:14:46,167 --> 00:14:48,384
but Whistlin' Willy failed
to recognize the influence
355
00:14:48,503 --> 00:14:50,470
someone like me has on their business.
356
00:14:50,555 --> 00:14:53,256
Now I just have one
question for you, David.
357
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:57,176
Do you ride
358
00:14:57,312 --> 00:15:02,765
your teeny, tiny bicicleta to school?
359
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:06,853
Sí. Me ride mi teeny
bicicleta to school.
360
00:15:09,274 --> 00:15:10,773
You're done.
361
00:15:10,859 --> 00:15:12,191
Yeah, I'm done!
362
00:15:12,277 --> 00:15:14,527
I'm now the leader of
thousands of people!
363
00:15:14,612 --> 00:15:16,279
They all hang on my every word,
364
00:15:16,364 --> 00:15:20,533
and I'm gonna use my power to finally
get what this town really needs.
365
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,335
♪♪
366
00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:27,256
GERALD: I found the waitstaff
at Red Lobster to be rude
367
00:15:27,375 --> 00:15:29,542
and barely even
acknowledging who I was
368
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,678
or what I meant to this city.
369
00:15:31,763 --> 00:15:34,730
Gerald, I'm taking Ike to clown
school. You care to join us?
370
00:15:34,877 --> 00:15:36,099
I can't, honey.
371
00:15:36,217 --> 00:15:38,851
I'm now the leader of
thousands of people.
372
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,970
They all hang on my every word.
373
00:15:41,056 --> 00:15:43,056
And I'm going to use my power
374
00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:45,853
to finally get what
this town really needs.
375
00:15:49,633 --> 00:15:51,883
♪♪
376
00:15:54,638 --> 00:15:56,338
[Gunfire]
377
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:57,889
[Glass shatters]
378
00:15:58,008 --> 00:15:59,475
[Explosion]
379
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,043
For the fifth day in a row,
380
00:16:01,278 --> 00:16:04,646
historic Shi Tpa Town is
under siege by Yelp reviewers.
381
00:16:04,782 --> 00:16:07,566
The restaurants are still
refusing to be intimidated,
382
00:16:07,651 --> 00:16:08,889
and the Yelp reviewers are...
383
00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:10,619
[Gunfire]
384
00:16:10,704 --> 00:16:13,655
And the Yelp reviewers are
preparing for all-out war.
385
00:16:13,741 --> 00:16:16,708
The angry Yelp reviewers are
demanding special treatment
386
00:16:16,827 --> 00:16:18,210
at all city restaurants.
387
00:16:18,329 --> 00:16:20,162
They claim that as local food critics,
388
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:23,298
they deserve respect and that
all who oppose them will suffer.
389
00:16:23,384 --> 00:16:25,417
The online restaurant
critics are getting ready
390
00:16:25,503 --> 00:16:27,002
to bring businesses to their knees,
391
00:16:27,137 --> 00:16:29,471
and some are already
closing their doors.
392
00:16:29,557 --> 00:16:32,007
One local restaurant
worker actually called out
393
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,308
the Yelp critics' leader!
394
00:16:33,394 --> 00:16:35,177
I guess you win, huh, big shot?
395
00:16:35,312 --> 00:16:38,013
If you really are any
kind of important anybody,
396
00:16:38,148 --> 00:16:39,982
then get your bullshit food-critic ass
397
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,150
to the south of town and face me,
398
00:16:42,236 --> 00:16:44,820
because you aren't a food critic,
and you aren't important!
399
00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:48,574
And unless you're chicken,
I'll see you south of town.
400
00:16:48,692 --> 00:16:50,859
- Where you going, sir?
- You heard him.
401
00:16:50,995 --> 00:16:52,911
Little Mexican kid called me out.
402
00:16:53,563 --> 00:16:56,031
He wants to fight me, that's fine.
403
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,249
You need backup, sir?
404
00:16:57,368 --> 00:16:59,034
No. He's just calling me out.
405
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,202
God bless you, sir...
406
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,588
I know!
407
00:17:05,209 --> 00:17:07,543
David! Dude, wait!
408
00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,761
Dude, you don't wanna do this.
409
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,513
You don't know what
Cartman's capable of.
410
00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:13,882
Where I come from, we
settle things with our fists.
411
00:17:14,018 --> 00:17:16,018
But this isn't Mexico.
412
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,936
I'm not from Mexico, dude!
413
00:17:18,055 --> 00:17:19,388
I'm from Idaho!
414
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:21,890
I'm gonna show this prick
how we do things in Boise.
415
00:17:22,026 --> 00:17:23,892
CARTMAN: Oh, hello, David!
416
00:17:26,055 --> 00:17:27,729
All right, you've got your army.
417
00:17:27,865 --> 00:17:29,383
You've got your followers.
418
00:17:29,467 --> 00:17:30,899
If you're such a great leader,
419
00:17:31,035 --> 00:17:33,068
then just tell the city
what you want, fat ass!
420
00:17:33,203 --> 00:17:34,620
Don't call me fat, son.
421
00:17:34,738 --> 00:17:36,271
I'm doing this because they've...
422
00:17:36,439 --> 00:17:41,064
What I want is to be able to lead these fine
people with the respect and the dignity...
423
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,795
I didn't ask to be the
leader. I was appointed!
424
00:17:43,914 --> 00:17:46,413
You see, I'm extremely important to
this town, and I'm not going to be...
425
00:17:46,575 --> 00:17:48,917
My journey as this town's food...
426
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:50,919
[All talking at once]
427
00:17:52,573 --> 00:17:56,692
You've made these people feel unwanted,
and now they look to me for answers.
428
00:17:56,827 --> 00:17:59,695
Now here I stand, vulnerable, afraid,
429
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:01,614
and yet willing to do
what the people of this...
430
00:18:01,699 --> 00:18:03,866
And so we said to hell with it!
431
00:18:03,951 --> 00:18:07,703
And we took the challenge to
go from the town's food critics
432
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:09,672
to the town's spiritual leaders.
433
00:18:09,757 --> 00:18:10,839
What do we want?
434
00:18:10,925 --> 00:18:13,042
People would say, "Oh,
you're just a food blogger.
435
00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:15,294
You're just a tiny voice in the crowd."
436
00:18:15,379 --> 00:18:18,881
Well, now my voice is
heard, and I will...
437
00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:20,549
[Talking continues]
438
00:18:20,685 --> 00:18:21,884
Wanted special privileges,
439
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:23,552
but these people think
I should have them.
440
00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:24,720
Right, guys?
441
00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:26,472
Maybe I don't deserve special treatment,
442
00:18:26,557 --> 00:18:29,275
but how else can I be the
elite food critic they want?
443
00:18:29,393 --> 00:18:33,946
[Talking continues]
444
00:18:34,065 --> 00:18:36,232
Every person here thinks
this is about them.
445
00:18:36,367 --> 00:18:38,117
I think I know what to do.
446
00:18:38,236 --> 00:18:40,452
Yeah. Me, too.
447
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:44,573
And for all your service
to this community,
448
00:18:44,709 --> 00:18:47,960
we want to once and for all declare you
449
00:18:48,079 --> 00:18:50,129
our most elite food critic.
450
00:18:50,248 --> 00:18:55,167
To distinguish you, we present
to you the golden badge.
451
00:18:55,961 --> 00:19:01,674
Wearing this badge means you will always
get the special treatment that you deserve.
452
00:19:01,759 --> 00:19:03,259
[Bell tolls]
453
00:19:03,394 --> 00:19:06,262
[Vocalizing]
454
00:19:08,599 --> 00:19:09,932
Thank you, Mayor.
455
00:19:10,017 --> 00:19:13,018
It's a big responsibility,
but I suppose I have to accept.
456
00:19:13,104 --> 00:19:15,104
I will do my best to serve this town.
457
00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:17,439
We know you will.
458
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:21,860
Okay, bring in the next one.
459
00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:26,615
Mr. Davis, you have
proven yourself a leader.
460
00:19:26,701 --> 00:19:29,451
And for all your service
to this community,
461
00:19:29,537 --> 00:19:32,204
we want to once and for all declare you
462
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:34,923
our most elite food critic.
463
00:19:35,009 --> 00:19:37,876
To distinguish you, we
present the golden badge.
464
00:19:37,962 --> 00:19:38,961
Wow!
465
00:19:39,046 --> 00:19:41,347
McDANIELS: Wearing this badge
means you will always get
466
00:19:41,465 --> 00:19:43,299
the special treatment you deserve.
467
00:19:43,384 --> 00:19:44,633
[Bell tolls]
468
00:19:44,769 --> 00:19:47,469
[Vocalizing]
469
00:19:47,805 --> 00:19:49,671
All right, we got all the restaurants
470
00:19:49,807 --> 00:19:52,558
to agree to let the Yelpers in
and to make them feel special.
471
00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:54,510
How did you do it, son?
472
00:19:54,595 --> 00:19:56,512
Ah, yes. The steak, please.
473
00:19:56,647 --> 00:19:58,430
I'm the, uh, Yelp elite.
474
00:19:58,516 --> 00:20:01,350
All right, we got a Yelper.
Give it that special attention.
475
00:20:01,435 --> 00:20:04,152
You got it!
476
00:20:04,238 --> 00:20:05,821
[Splat!]
477
00:20:05,906 --> 00:20:10,025
♪ So you're one of
Yelper's special blessed ♪
478
00:20:10,110 --> 00:20:14,112
♪ You demand a
restaurant's very best ♪
479
00:20:14,198 --> 00:20:15,330
[Splat!]
480
00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:17,499
♪ Well, they're gonna
treat you special ♪
481
00:20:17,585 --> 00:20:19,284
♪ I'm telling you, chum ♪
482
00:20:19,370 --> 00:20:21,370
[Bell rings]
483
00:20:21,505 --> 00:20:24,039
♪ Now get yourself ready
for some boogers and cum! ♪
484
00:20:24,174 --> 00:20:25,374
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
485
00:20:25,542 --> 00:20:27,042
♪ That's called a Yelper special! ♪
486
00:20:27,127 --> 00:20:27,954
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
487
00:20:27,989 --> 00:20:29,761
♪ Say, what's that
on your pretzel? ♪
488
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,930
♪ Your online critiques
are real useful to some ♪
489
00:20:32,049 --> 00:20:35,217
♪ Now have a good time
eating boogers and cum! ♪
490
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,385
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
491
00:20:36,519 --> 00:20:37,786
♪ Someone farted on your salad ♪
492
00:20:37,922 --> 00:20:38,744
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
493
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,806
♪ But your decor
critiques are valid ♪
494
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:43,025
♪ You think you're special,
like you're A number one ♪
495
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:45,727
♪ Well, there's a whole lot of
special in boogers and cum! ♪
496
00:20:45,863 --> 00:20:46,996
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
497
00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:48,462
♪ How about some feces
with your flounder? ♪
498
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:49,657
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
499
00:20:49,692 --> 00:20:51,483
♪ You like that queefy
quarter-pounder? ♪
500
00:20:51,569 --> 00:20:53,869
What's that spice that
feels tangy on my tongue?
501
00:20:53,954 --> 00:20:55,370
Oh, that's a yuzu pepper...
502
00:20:55,456 --> 00:20:57,573
[To himself] along with
some boogers and cum.
503
00:20:57,658 --> 00:20:58,740
Here you are, sir.
504
00:20:58,876 --> 00:21:00,993
Thank you, David. That's good service.
505
00:21:01,078 --> 00:21:02,828
I will bring you food
every day, my friend.
506
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,997
Hmm, is that a jalapeño cream sauce?
507
00:21:05,082 --> 00:21:07,249
Yes. My father made it just for you.
508
00:21:07,852 --> 00:21:09,785
Hmm. It's tart, but savory.
509
00:21:09,942 --> 00:21:11,253
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
510
00:21:11,421 --> 00:21:12,721
♪ Bein' a food critic's easy! ♪
511
00:21:12,806 --> 00:21:13,823
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
512
00:21:13,858 --> 00:21:15,474
♪ Oh, you feel a little queasy? ♪
513
00:21:15,593 --> 00:21:18,310
♪ Do you need a diagnosis?
Well, the doctor's got one ♪
514
00:21:18,429 --> 00:21:20,876
Your stomach seems to be
filled with boogers and cum.
515
00:21:20,877 --> 00:21:22,098
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
516
00:21:22,099 --> 00:21:23,438
♪ Piss in your potatoes! ♪
517
00:21:23,599 --> 00:21:24,656
♪ Boogers and cum! ♪
518
00:21:24,657 --> 00:21:26,311
♪ Some guy shit on your tomatoes! ♪
519
00:21:26,521 --> 00:21:29,233
♪ All right, fancy food
critic, looks like you've won ♪
520
00:21:29,234 --> 00:21:31,033
♪ Now please enjoy all the ♪
521
00:21:31,229 --> 00:21:33,960
♪ Bo-o-o-o-gers ♪
522
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:38,721
♪ Bo-o-o-o-gers ♪
523
00:21:39,408 --> 00:21:43,806
♪ and cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum! ♪