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♪ I'm goin' down to South
Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
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♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
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♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
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♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
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♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
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♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
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♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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[Applause]
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Now, last week we were all reminded
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that intolerance still
exists in our country.
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It took a very special young
student to light up social media.
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We've invited him to the White
House today to show our appreciation.
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Because never have there been
more tolerant, more moving words
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than Kyle Broflovski's speech
about his hero, Caitlyn Jenner.
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[Applause]
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Come on up here, Kyle.
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You see? There! This is why it's happening.
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Everyone's preaching
openness and acceptance,
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and so now millions of Goddamn immigrants
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are coming over the border,
and nobody seems to care!
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But what are you gonna do?
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In today's world, it's
like you can't even say
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anything negative about illegal immigrants.
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Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
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Did somebody over here
say "illegal immigrants"?
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Because the correct term is
"undocumented immigrants,"
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all right, bro?
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It's like nobody cares!
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And they just keep coming,
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crossing the border with
their dirty families,
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playing their stupid music.
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I mean, look at 'em!
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I'll bet not one of them is here legally.
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All right, guy!
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Hey, buddy.
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- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, what's going on, friend?
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Hey, buddy, another Moosehead, eh?
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We should have put up a Goddamn wall.
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But wait. There's still more.
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Because this country was built on dreamers.
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And, Kyle, we want to
make your dreams come true.
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And so here is your hero, Caitlyn Jenner.
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[Applause]
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I just want to say thank you, Kyle,
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for your beautiful words of support.
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Now, Kyle, we got another
little surprise for you.
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We told you we were flying you back home,
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But the truth is, you're getting a
ride back all the way with your hero.
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How do you like that?
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[Applause]
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[Engine turns over]
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Buckle up, buckaroo.
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[Applause]
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[Bell ringing]
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Okay, children, let's take our seats.
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As you've probably noticed,
our government has decided
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to let anyone who wants to cross
the border and screw up our country.
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I know you're all as pissed off as I am,
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so why don't we begin today's lesson
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on why the once-great
empire of Rome fell to shit.
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Huh? Who can tell me why Rome fell to shit?
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No, somebody who matters.
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[Students grunting]
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All right, fine. In the yellow shirt.
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The Roman Empire, buddy, was
facing several issues, guy,
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as it reached a new millennium, friend...
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Oh, speak in English!
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You see, what happened
is that these immigrants
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called the Goths were
welcomed into Roman territories
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because some people felt bad for them.
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And then the Goths suddenly decided
they were being oppressed, you see?
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And so, then...
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[Playing Chuck Mangione's
"Feels So Good"]
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What the hell are you doing?
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It's 8:00 A.M., guy.
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[All playing Chuck
Mangione's "Feels So Good"]
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That's it!
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Why don't you Canucks go
back where you came from?!
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[Sour note plays]
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[Breathing heavily]
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You really think you can refer
to an undocumented immigrant
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as a "Canuck"?
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P.C. Principal, they got up
in the middle of my lecture
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and started playing music.
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So did you forget that at 8:00 and 11:00,
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all Canadians face east
and play Chuck Mangione,
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or did you not care to find out
about their religious customs?
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They... They don't even speak English.
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Then you need to be teaching
in both languages from now on.
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Mackey, sign the faculty up for
Canadian-language night classes.
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What?!
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Yes, P.C. Principal! R-right away! M'kay.
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You're on thin ice, Garrison.
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Get in line, or you'll
be out of a job, bro.
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[Indistinct conversations]
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What are they doing now?
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Well, they're all eating
together and praying,
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and they're putting syrup
on their mac and cheese.
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Ugh! So weird.
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There's just so many of them.
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You guys, I think this
whole thing is a conspiracy.
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- What do you mean?
- Think about what happened.
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America had pretty
secure borders for years.
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Kyle gives a big speech about tolerance
and acceptance that goes viral.
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A bunch of Canadians
cross the border illegally.
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Kyle's brother is Canadian.
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What if Kyle knowingly gave that
speech to get all the illegals in?
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I'm sitting right here.
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And he's sitting right here.
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You really think just my speech brought
on a wave of illegal immigration?
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- You did kind of go overboard, dude.
- What?
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It's just, I know you like
giving speeches and stuff,
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but not everything is black and white.
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Yeah, I mean, it's fine you want
to go preach about Caitlyn Jenner,
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but you can't just make blanket statements
about letting anyone do whatever they want.
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I didn't even want to give that speech!
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Yeah, yeah. This is interesting.
Have you guys read Genesis 34?
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Well, it's intriguing,
because in Genesis 34,
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the Jews actually did something
similar to what Kyle's doing now.
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I'm not responsible for this.
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Illegal immigration has
been happening forever.
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But it's happening a lot more now,
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after you decide to give
a big speech about Caitlyn Jenner
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because you want to bring down
the cultural fabric of America
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'Cause you're a Jew.
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You guys, immigrants,
either legal or illegal,
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are always gonna find ways
to cross into richer countries...
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Oh, boy. Here we go again. Yeah, I'm out.
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Yeah, sorry. I can't listen
to another one either.
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MR. STKRDKNMIBALZ: Happy evening, friends.
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My name is Mr. Stkrdknmibalz
[stick your dick in my balls],
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and we are going to learn Canadian.
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With a lot of practice,
you're going to find
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that speaking Canadian isn't so difficult,
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and in fact, our alphabet
and yours are fairly similar.
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So why don't we begin singing it together?
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[Clears throat]
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♪ A, B, C, D ♪
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♪ E, F, Guy ♪
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♪ H, I, J, K ♪
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00:05:47,029 --> 00:05:48,528
♪ L, M, N, O, Buddy ♪
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00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:49,896
♪ Q, R, S ♪
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♪ T, U, Friend ♪
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♪ W, X, Eh, and Pbht! ♪
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♪ These are Canadian ABCs ♪
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♪ Susie likes hairy balls ♪
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♪ What do ya think of these? ♪
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All right, now everyone.
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00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:03,577
♪ A, B, C, D ♪
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00:06:03,712 --> 00:06:05,245
♪ E, F, Guy ♪
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00:06:05,381 --> 00:06:07,164
♪ H, I, J, K ♪
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00:06:07,249 --> 00:06:09,332
♪ L, M, N, O, Buddy ♪
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♪ Q, R, S ♪
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[Singing fades out]
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♪♪
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MR. GARRISON: ♪ Where
has my country gone? ♪
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♪ Where has my country gone? ♪
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♪ It was a land of
opportunity that we held dear ♪
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♪ But now all these other
assholes are comin' here ♪
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♪ And where's my country gone? ♪
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♪ It was just here
like two seconds ago ♪
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♪ 'Cause when they said that
this was the land of the free ♪
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♪ I'm pretty sure that
they were referring to me ♪
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♪ And my country's gone! ♪
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♪ It got upset, and
now it's wandered away ♪
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♪ It took 43 presidents
to make us stand tall ♪
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♪ And just one black
guy to unravel it all ♪
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♪ Country gone! ♪
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♪ Please tell it that
we need her back home ♪
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♪ There's a great big hole
in the liberty bucket ♪
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♪ 'Cause someone forgot to
tell the foreigners to suck it ♪
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♪ And now they're all
hanging out on my lawn ♪
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[Trumpets playing]
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♪ And now they're ruining my song ♪
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♪ Making it sound like Chuck Mangione ♪
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♪ Where my country gone? ♪
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Seems like everyone's afraid
to speak the truth around here.
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Well, I'm throwing my hat in and
saying I'll figure this thing out.
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Now, I might not understand
politics or immigration policies
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or the law
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or basic ideological concepts.
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But damn it, I understand
there's a bunch of Canadians here,
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and I'm gonna do something about it!
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[Applause] Whoohoo!
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All right, everyone, listen up.
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In order for better understanding,
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00:08:03,661 --> 00:08:06,233
we have asked students of Canadian origin
to introduce you to their culture and...
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00:08:06,318 --> 00:08:08,324
Hey, Leslie, shut your [bleep] mouth!...
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00:08:08,737 --> 00:08:11,405
To introduce you to
their culture and customs.
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So let's give them our undivided attention
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as they take us on a whirlwind
journey through their diverse history.
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We are the Hopewell and Abenaki,
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00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:22,499
first settlers of Canadian soil, guy.
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We are French and British explorers,
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seeking furs and goods.
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Yeah, and I'm Dan Rather,
and I got news for you...
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Nobody wants you here!
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Sorry. Not sorry.
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00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,226
It's time for someone to say it like
is and make our country great again.
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00:08:36,261 --> 00:08:37,764
Garrison, what do you think you're...
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00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:40,434
And I'm also not afraid to
stand up to P.C. Principal.
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00:08:40,569 --> 00:08:43,518
You, sir, have a pizza face,
and you suck your mom's dick.
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00:08:43,939 --> 00:08:45,097
That's it, Garrison.
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00:08:45,132 --> 00:08:47,190
You are fired from South Park Elementary.
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00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:48,775
Oh, see? And now I'm fired.
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00:08:48,911 --> 00:08:50,661
That's the cold, hard truth of immigration.
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00:08:50,779 --> 00:08:53,447
Well, there's only one immigration
policy that I believe in,
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00:08:53,532 --> 00:08:54,950
and that's [bleep] 'em all to death!
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00:08:54,990 --> 00:08:55,763
[Students gasp]
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00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,868
I'm just saying what
everyone's thinking here, kids.
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00:08:57,953 --> 00:08:59,703
Sorry. Not sorry.
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00:08:59,788 --> 00:09:03,540
[Lockers slam]
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00:09:03,837 --> 00:09:05,937
Dude, the Canadians are pissed off.
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00:09:05,972 --> 00:09:07,127
Can you really blame them?
217
00:09:07,212 --> 00:09:08,929
What made Mr. Garrison do that?
218
00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:11,298
Guys, what if this was all
exactly what Kyle planned?
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00:09:11,383 --> 00:09:13,517
Get the Canadians here,
make them feel persecuted,
220
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,576
and then what? Uprisings, rebellion.
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00:09:15,611 --> 00:09:18,522
Next thing you know, they're sending
us to camps and using us as livestock.
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00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,868
- You really think Kyle would do that?
- That doesn't matter.
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00:09:21,026 --> 00:09:23,310
We have to think of a way
to smooth this over fast.
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00:09:23,445 --> 00:09:25,775
- Yeah, we're gonna need a symbolic union.
- A what?
225
00:09:25,810 --> 00:09:28,063
You know, what's that story about
the two sides that were fighting,
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00:09:28,098 --> 00:09:30,284
and then a guy from one side got
with a girl from the other side,
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00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,152
and their love sort of
brought the groups together?
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00:09:32,288 --> 00:09:33,403
"Lion King 2"?
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00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:34,821
Yes, "Lion King 2."
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00:09:34,957 --> 00:09:37,324
I mean, if we can get one of
us to go out with one of them,
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00:09:37,459 --> 00:09:38,848
probably have sex,
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00:09:38,883 --> 00:09:40,827
then it could be a symbol
of us all getting along.
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00:09:40,963 --> 00:09:43,741
Yeah, it's kind of like when a princess of
one country marries the prince of another.
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00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,599
Oh, come on. This is stupid.
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00:09:45,681 --> 00:09:47,064
You guys, when two groups of people
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00:09:47,099 --> 00:09:48,912
don't understand each other,
you can't just try and diffuse
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00:09:48,947 --> 00:09:50,137
- the tensions with...
- Is he seriously...
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00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:53,006
Is he seriously giving a speech right now?
239
00:09:53,142 --> 00:09:56,093
Is he seriously giving a speech right now?
240
00:10:01,182 --> 00:10:02,837
This is gonna have to happen pretty fast,
241
00:10:02,872 --> 00:10:04,735
so whoever's gonna do it needs
to ask a Canadian girl out soon.
242
00:10:04,853 --> 00:10:05,852
- 1, 2, 3, not it.
- Not it.
243
00:10:05,988 --> 00:10:06,687
- Not it.
- Not it.
244
00:10:06,822 --> 00:10:08,739
- Not it.
- No, no! Not it!
245
00:10:08,857 --> 00:10:10,190
Oh, shit!
246
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,858
Support is growing for a Colorado man
247
00:10:14,993 --> 00:10:18,028
who claims the way to deal
with illegal immigrants
248
00:10:18,113 --> 00:10:19,809
is to [bleep] them all to death.
249
00:10:19,982 --> 00:10:21,625
We go live to Minnesota.
250
00:10:21,833 --> 00:10:24,284
Tom, the political activist
is going around the country
251
00:10:24,369 --> 00:10:25,702
to get support for his agenda.
252
00:10:25,787 --> 00:10:29,256
And, Mr. Garrison, you believe the
immigration problem is easy to solve.
253
00:10:29,374 --> 00:10:30,757
Yes. [Bleep] them all to death.
254
00:10:30,876 --> 00:10:32,459
Let's make this country great again.
255
00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:34,544
And when you say, "[Bleep]
them all to death,"
256
00:10:34,630 --> 00:10:36,379
what are you actually suggesting be done?
257
00:10:36,515 --> 00:10:38,381
I'm suggesting we round them all up,
258
00:10:38,517 --> 00:10:39,776
pull down their pants,
259
00:10:39,777 --> 00:10:42,552
and [bleep] them until their
spirits leave their bodies.
260
00:10:43,132 --> 00:10:44,471
MAN: USA!
261
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:47,557
And then after we've [bleep]
every last one of them to death,
262
00:10:47,659 --> 00:10:48,842
we build a big wall.
263
00:10:48,877 --> 00:10:50,477
And if anyone comes over the wall,
264
00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:52,195
we [bleep] them to death, too!
265
00:10:52,281 --> 00:10:53,357
And then we [bleep] to death all...
266
00:10:53,392 --> 00:10:54,531
Uh, Dan? Dan?
267
00:10:54,616 --> 00:10:57,867
We are getting word that a
wall has already been built.
268
00:10:58,879 --> 00:11:00,353
Is that right? Yes?
269
00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:05,212
CNN is confirming that Canada has
built a wall to keep us out.
270
00:11:05,358 --> 00:11:07,329
What do you mean they built a wall?!
271
00:11:07,494 --> 00:11:09,663
They can't build a [bleep] wall!
272
00:11:09,748 --> 00:11:11,220
Oh [bleep] them to death!
273
00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:14,668
♪♪
274
00:11:22,644 --> 00:11:24,260
Hey, there!
275
00:11:24,346 --> 00:11:26,096
Beautiful day, isn't it?
276
00:11:26,181 --> 00:11:27,847
What the hell is this?!
277
00:11:27,933 --> 00:11:29,733
Oh, this? This is a wall.
278
00:11:29,818 --> 00:11:31,768
Sorry, buddy. Nobody allowed in.
279
00:11:31,870 --> 00:11:32,929
Can they do that?
280
00:11:32,964 --> 00:11:35,236
Look, we came to speak with
your government about the...
281
00:11:35,392 --> 00:11:38,041
Yeah, no, sorry! Everything
past here is ours.
282
00:11:38,143 --> 00:11:40,007
You can't... You can't
go past... past here.
283
00:11:40,479 --> 00:11:41,544
We're Americans!
284
00:11:41,647 --> 00:11:43,246
We don't even want to be over there!
285
00:11:43,348 --> 00:11:45,015
What do you think we're gonna do?
286
00:11:45,117 --> 00:11:46,883
Well, you know, we just don't want you
287
00:11:46,985 --> 00:11:48,318
raping our women and stuff.
288
00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:50,253
That is ridiculous!
289
00:11:50,339 --> 00:11:52,807
All right, smart-ass,
that's just about enough...
290
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:55,125
Look, there's just some
really cool shit back here,
291
00:11:55,210 --> 00:11:56,593
and we don't feel like sharing it.
292
00:11:56,695 --> 00:11:58,161
Cool shit like what?
293
00:11:58,238 --> 00:11:59,295
Don't worry about it.
294
00:11:59,398 --> 00:12:01,164
No. What's back there? Let me see!
295
00:12:01,266 --> 00:12:03,515
- It's all right, Garrison.
- No, Goddamn it! Let me see!
296
00:12:04,236 --> 00:12:06,369
[Indistinct chatter]
297
00:12:06,763 --> 00:12:08,738
What about that one in the glasses?
298
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,708
- She's kind of hot.
- She's not hot.
299
00:12:10,886 --> 00:12:13,309
She looks like a messed-up
cucumber with wieners on it!
300
00:12:13,445 --> 00:12:15,039
All right. How about the lanky one there?
301
00:12:15,195 --> 00:12:16,432
Ooh, ooh! What about the one in the hat?
302
00:12:16,564 --> 00:12:18,244
She kind of looks like
Alanis Morissette, huh?
303
00:12:18,434 --> 00:12:20,517
Alanis Morissette is like
80 years old or something!
304
00:12:20,602 --> 00:12:22,044
- Geez!
- Okay, B-Butters, relax.
305
00:12:22,079 --> 00:12:23,818
Well, I don't want a
Canadian girlfriend, Eric!
306
00:12:23,853 --> 00:12:27,074
- Okay, you just want a race war?
- No!
307
00:12:27,192 --> 00:12:29,025
The one in the white shoes isn't that ugly.
308
00:12:29,161 --> 00:12:31,274
Okay, go [bleep] the
one in the white shoes.
309
00:12:31,309 --> 00:12:32,913
Okay.
310
00:12:33,289 --> 00:12:35,115
Hi. My name is Butters. What's yours?
311
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:36,333
I'm Charlotte.
312
00:12:36,418 --> 00:12:38,168
[Both giggling]
313
00:12:38,253 --> 00:12:40,787
Oh, Charlotte, I've never done this before.
314
00:12:40,873 --> 00:12:42,539
You think Scar's up there?
315
00:12:42,624 --> 00:12:45,292
He wasn't my father, but
he's still part of me.
316
00:12:45,377 --> 00:12:47,711
Oh, no, Simba. We have barely begun.
317
00:12:47,846 --> 00:12:50,597
We'll run away together and... and...
318
00:12:51,045 --> 00:12:53,944
And start a pride all of our own.
319
00:12:54,219 --> 00:12:56,720
Tom, the scene at the
Canadian border is electric
320
00:12:56,855 --> 00:12:59,272
as several political
leaders try and strategize
321
00:12:59,391 --> 00:13:01,775
how to deal with being shut out of Canada.
322
00:13:01,894 --> 00:13:05,312
If the Canadian government wants to
put up a wall, they have every right.
323
00:13:05,397 --> 00:13:08,982
And yet, we must ask why they
thought this to be necessary.
324
00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:10,817
No, [bleep] them, and [bleep] you.
325
00:13:10,903 --> 00:13:13,286
I want to see if they have
really cool [bleep] back there.
326
00:13:13,405 --> 00:13:14,738
What we need is a...
327
00:13:14,873 --> 00:13:17,624
No, you've got a gaping gash,
and you've got vinegary balls.
328
00:13:17,743 --> 00:13:19,176
The Canadians can't do this!
329
00:13:19,278 --> 00:13:22,479
Don't they realize that hundreds
of thousands of their people
330
00:13:22,581 --> 00:13:24,047
are over here illegally?
331
00:13:24,149 --> 00:13:25,682
Oh, you guys didn't put up a wall?
332
00:13:25,784 --> 00:13:28,118
And you keep your Goddamn
mouth shut, smart ass!
333
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:29,459
I'll deal with you.
334
00:13:29,494 --> 00:13:31,171
[Cheers and applause]
335
00:13:31,256 --> 00:13:33,590
I get things done, and
I'm getting back there!
336
00:13:33,675 --> 00:13:35,559
[Cheers and applause]
337
00:13:35,984 --> 00:13:37,727
- Here you go.
- Thanks, Butters.
338
00:13:37,813 --> 00:13:40,680
I'm sore-y I didn't
know what ice cream was.
339
00:13:40,766 --> 00:13:41,982
What's sore-y?
340
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,734
Well, that's what Canadians
say to express remorse.
341
00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:46,603
Oh. H-Hey, that's neato.
342
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:47,854
[Laughs] Oh. [Cellphone ringing]
343
00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:49,739
Hang on, Charlotte, one sec.
344
00:13:49,825 --> 00:13:51,525
[Cellphone beeps] What do you want?
345
00:13:51,610 --> 00:13:53,577
Have you given her the old Hot Cosby yet?
346
00:13:53,662 --> 00:13:56,213
No. We saw a movie, and
now we're going to the park.
347
00:13:56,315 --> 00:13:57,681
Butters, we don't have time for that.
348
00:13:57,783 --> 00:13:59,983
I told you, you have to cut
to the chase with a Hot Cosby.
349
00:14:00,085 --> 00:14:03,223
If I'm gonna be with this girl, I don't want
her someday thinking it was all super rushed.
350
00:14:03,322 --> 00:14:04,688
Nobody cares about 40 years from now
351
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:06,456
when she suddenly
changes her mind, Butters.
352
00:14:06,558 --> 00:14:08,191
Time is of the essence!
We're all gonna die!
353
00:14:08,293 --> 00:14:09,392
[Cellphone beeps]
354
00:14:10,796 --> 00:14:11,928
Everything all right?
355
00:14:12,014 --> 00:14:13,964
Yeah, just some work-related stuff.
356
00:14:14,049 --> 00:14:15,632
So, hey, I wanted to see
357
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,435
if you wanted come over to
my house for dinner tomorrow.
358
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,770
[Gasps] Oh, boy. Yes, I'd love to.
359
00:14:20,856 --> 00:14:22,908
Here we go. Oh, God.
360
00:14:24,607 --> 00:14:27,589
_
361
00:14:28,397 --> 00:14:29,980
Okay, that's... that's good.
362
00:14:30,115 --> 00:14:31,147
Watch the balls.
363
00:14:31,233 --> 00:14:32,732
Okay, all right, give me the helmet.
364
00:14:32,818 --> 00:14:35,235
We'll see what they've got
behind that Goddamn wall.
365
00:14:35,628 --> 00:14:37,704
You know what I am, friends?
366
00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:39,322
I'm a doer.
367
00:14:39,408 --> 00:14:41,241
Yeah! Yeah! That's right!
368
00:14:41,326 --> 00:14:43,577
Canada says we can't go into their country,
369
00:14:43,662 --> 00:14:45,295
I'm going into their country!
370
00:14:45,380 --> 00:14:46,663
And when I do,
371
00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:50,333
I am [bleep] every last Canadian so hard!
372
00:14:50,419 --> 00:14:51,334
[Cheers and applause]
373
00:14:51,420 --> 00:14:52,836
All right, let's do this.
374
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:59,426
Crowd: USA, USA, USA!
375
00:14:59,511 --> 00:15:02,596
USA, USA!
376
00:15:04,766 --> 00:15:08,685
USA, USA, USA!
377
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:10,520
USA, US...
378
00:15:10,606 --> 00:15:13,273
Aw, he's dead.
379
00:15:19,698 --> 00:15:21,865
So, young man, I understand
380
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,700
that you and my daughter
have started a romance.
381
00:15:23,785 --> 00:15:25,835
Well, uh... Well, yes, sir.
382
00:15:25,921 --> 00:15:28,455
And I suppose you have a
thing for Canadian girls, huh?
383
00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:29,873
Is that it? You've got maple fever?
384
00:15:30,008 --> 00:15:31,041
Eh, Daddy!
385
00:15:31,176 --> 00:15:33,209
I'm sorry, Charlotte, but I get suspicious.
386
00:15:33,295 --> 00:15:34,761
It's bad enough we have to live in America.
387
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,241
Now all the boys with maple fever are
gonna want to have at our daughter.
388
00:15:37,424 --> 00:15:39,049
- That's enough, Donald.
- Wait.
389
00:15:39,184 --> 00:15:40,967
You don't want to be here?
390
00:15:41,053 --> 00:15:42,435
Why would we want to be here?
391
00:15:42,554 --> 00:15:43,720
Well, you know,
392
00:15:43,805 --> 00:15:45,772
'cause everything is great
here, and we have cool stuff.
393
00:15:45,891 --> 00:15:47,159
Canada has everything.
394
00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:48,608
It's the greatest country on Earth.
395
00:15:48,727 --> 00:15:50,894
But... so, then why did you leave?
396
00:15:51,029 --> 00:15:52,646
[Sighs]
397
00:15:54,566 --> 00:15:58,201
There were several candidates
during the Canadian elections.
398
00:15:58,287 --> 00:16:01,705
One of them was this brash
asshole who just spoke his mind.
399
00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:04,171
He didn't really offer any solutions.
He just said outrageous things.
400
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:07,494
We thought it was funny.
401
00:16:08,207 --> 00:16:10,497
Nobody really thought
he'd ever be president.
402
00:16:10,582 --> 00:16:11,665
It was a joke.
403
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:13,917
But we just let the
joke go on for too long.
404
00:16:14,002 --> 00:16:16,511
He kept gaining momentum, and by
the time we were all ready to say,
405
00:16:16,689 --> 00:16:18,939
"Okay, let's get serious now.
Who should really be president?"
406
00:16:18,982 --> 00:16:21,508
He was already being sworn into office.
407
00:16:21,593 --> 00:16:23,143
We weren't paying attention.
408
00:16:23,261 --> 00:16:26,346
[Objects crashing] We
weren't paying attention!
409
00:16:26,431 --> 00:16:28,898
[Sobbing hysterically]
410
00:16:28,984 --> 00:16:32,102
Geez. How bad can a president be?
411
00:16:32,187 --> 00:16:35,021
If certain people want to leave
this country, then let them!
412
00:16:35,107 --> 00:16:37,824
You tell those pussy homos
they can suck my balls!
413
00:16:37,843 --> 00:16:38,825
But, Mr. President...
414
00:16:38,944 --> 00:16:41,074
And tell the prime minister of
China that he can suck my balls!
415
00:16:41,075 --> 00:16:43,029
- Oh, and Johnson...
- Mr. President?
416
00:16:43,115 --> 00:16:44,526
Suck my balls.
417
00:16:48,893 --> 00:16:50,560
I'm sore-y about my papa.
418
00:16:50,662 --> 00:16:54,130
He can be really emotional sometimes.
419
00:16:54,232 --> 00:16:55,665
You don't got to be sore-y.
420
00:16:55,767 --> 00:16:58,067
It's me who should be sore-y.
421
00:16:58,169 --> 00:17:01,004
I think everyone has the wrong
idea about your people, Charlotte.
422
00:17:01,106 --> 00:17:02,212
It's okay.
423
00:17:02,247 --> 00:17:04,007
We just have to give them time.
424
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:05,908
I wasn't supposed to have time.
425
00:17:06,011 --> 00:17:08,144
I was supposed to give you a Hot Cosby
426
00:17:08,246 --> 00:17:10,813
so our species could coexist.
427
00:17:10,915 --> 00:17:13,416
But now I realize you guys
don't even want to be here.
428
00:17:13,518 --> 00:17:15,501
Oh.
429
00:17:15,587 --> 00:17:17,303
So do you want to be here?
430
00:17:17,422 --> 00:17:19,222
Now?
431
00:17:20,295 --> 00:17:22,475
There's really nowhere I'd rather be.
432
00:17:22,594 --> 00:17:24,077
If it's okay with you...
433
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:27,930
I'd like to try a nice Slow Cosby instead.
434
00:17:29,167 --> 00:17:33,519
In Canada, we call a Slow Cosby "love."
435
00:17:37,075 --> 00:17:38,491
Oh, look!
436
00:17:39,279 --> 00:17:40,910
A shooting star.
437
00:17:41,012 --> 00:17:44,747
In Canada, we say that's good luck.
438
00:17:44,849 --> 00:17:48,084
So do we.
439
00:17:48,186 --> 00:17:50,353
♪♪
440
00:17:50,455 --> 00:17:53,723
[Groaning]
441
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,428
♪♪
442
00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:06,135
[Wind whistles]
443
00:18:06,271 --> 00:18:10,390
[Echoing] Hello?
444
00:18:12,644 --> 00:18:15,144
[Doors slamming]
445
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,147
[Man sobbing]
446
00:18:20,201 --> 00:18:22,735
Oh, God! Oh, God!
447
00:18:22,821 --> 00:18:25,238
[Sobbing continues]
448
00:18:25,323 --> 00:18:26,406
Hey!
449
00:18:26,491 --> 00:18:28,741
Where is everyone, guy?
450
00:18:28,827 --> 00:18:31,327
[Sobbing continues]
451
00:18:31,413 --> 00:18:33,079
[Screams]
452
00:18:34,952 --> 00:18:36,283
Geez.
453
00:18:36,318 --> 00:18:38,370
[Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" playing]
454
00:18:38,405 --> 00:18:41,003
♪♪
455
00:18:41,139 --> 00:18:48,311
♪
S-A-F-E-T-Y ♪
456
00:18:48,396 --> 00:18:50,646
♪ Safety dance ♪
457
00:18:50,732 --> 00:18:53,766
♪♪
458
00:18:59,926 --> 00:19:01,691
♪ We can dance if we want to ♪
459
00:19:02,385 --> 00:19:03,360
What?!
460
00:19:03,494 --> 00:19:06,628
[Music stops] Hey! How did a
U.S. citizen get past my wall?
461
00:19:06,748 --> 00:19:09,165
I came here to find out
where my country gone.
462
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:11,367
Where your country gone?
Where my country gone!
463
00:19:11,503 --> 00:19:13,453
No, where my country gone, bitch!
464
00:19:13,538 --> 00:19:15,455
Nobody talks to me like that, buddy!
465
00:19:15,540 --> 00:19:18,091
Nobody talks to me like that, fwiend!
466
00:19:18,209 --> 00:19:19,292
- Ergh! Yeah?
- Stupid... unh!
467
00:19:19,377 --> 00:19:20,960
- Little asshole!
- This is why I built that wall!
468
00:19:21,045 --> 00:19:22,011
You think you can...
469
00:19:22,097 --> 00:19:23,546
[Both grunting]
470
00:19:24,518 --> 00:19:26,099
There you go! There you go!
471
00:19:26,217 --> 00:19:27,133
[Grunting]
472
00:19:27,218 --> 00:19:29,519
I came here to do one thing!
473
00:19:29,604 --> 00:19:30,937
Hey, what the... Aah!
474
00:19:31,055 --> 00:19:32,722
Hey, that pokes, buddy! Aah!
475
00:19:32,807 --> 00:19:34,390
Oh, my God, guy.
476
00:19:34,526 --> 00:19:36,142
Please! Please, I can't... Oh! No, please!
477
00:19:36,227 --> 00:19:37,143
No! No!
478
00:19:37,228 --> 00:19:38,811
[Inhales deeply]
479
00:19:38,897 --> 00:19:40,563
[Screaming] No!
480
00:19:43,368 --> 00:19:44,901
Oh, look at them, Thomas.
481
00:19:44,986 --> 00:19:47,036
I think they really like each other.
482
00:19:47,122 --> 00:19:48,488
Yes, I have to admit,
483
00:19:48,573 --> 00:19:51,207
it seems they're actually
falling in Slow Cosby.
484
00:19:51,292 --> 00:19:52,241
[Knock on door]
485
00:19:52,377 --> 00:19:53,438
I'll get it.
486
00:19:53,473 --> 00:19:55,378
[Knocking continues]
487
00:19:55,463 --> 00:19:56,796
Hey did you hear the news, buddy?
488
00:19:56,915 --> 00:19:58,664
The Canadian president
has been [bleep] to death.
489
00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:00,583
Yes! Yes!
490
00:20:00,718 --> 00:20:01,883
What? Are you sure?
491
00:20:01,918 --> 00:20:02,919
What is it, Donald?
492
00:20:03,054 --> 00:20:04,754
The Canadian president got
[bleep] to death, darling.
493
00:20:04,839 --> 00:20:05,755
Oh, my goodness!
494
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,089
Should we go back to Canada, then?
495
00:20:07,175 --> 00:20:08,508
Yes, I guess, let's go back.
496
00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:15,398
[Engines turn over]
497
00:20:15,483 --> 00:20:16,516
- See ya!
- Bye!
498
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:17,934
It's been real, guy!
499
00:20:18,019 --> 00:20:18,985
See ya, guy!
500
00:20:19,103 --> 00:20:20,520
[All shouting goodbye]
501
00:20:21,773 --> 00:20:23,940
Charlotte!
502
00:20:24,075 --> 00:20:27,527
I'll Skype you when I'm home, my love!
503
00:20:29,113 --> 00:20:30,770
Ah, I should've done the Hot Cosby.
504
00:20:32,253 --> 00:20:34,352
- You did it, Garrison!
- Thank you, Garrison!
505
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,954
Friends, I think I've proven
506
00:20:38,039 --> 00:20:40,590
that my policies work to get things done.
507
00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:43,011
I know what my true calling is,
508
00:20:43,324 --> 00:20:46,148
and I am going to keep this
going all the way to Washington.
509
00:20:46,290 --> 00:20:47,836
[Cheers and applause]
510
00:20:49,483 --> 00:20:51,653
Hold on! Wait! It wasn't me!
511
00:20:51,843 --> 00:20:53,803
I wasn't the one who
brought the Canadians here.
512
00:20:53,938 --> 00:20:55,777
It was something just like this.
513
00:20:56,140 --> 00:20:57,287
Don't you see?
514
00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:58,808
If there's anything we've learned,
515
00:20:58,893 --> 00:21:02,195
it's that we have to stop this
kind of sensationalistic politics
516
00:21:02,313 --> 00:21:04,113
before the same thing happens to us,
517
00:21:04,199 --> 00:21:05,843
because if we let this kind of...
518
00:21:06,651 --> 00:21:08,117
this...
519
00:21:08,203 --> 00:21:10,152
kind of...
520
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:15,074
Dude.
521
00:21:15,159 --> 00:21:16,409
Unbelievable.
522
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:21,998
All right, my friends,
I have to say goodbye now
523
00:21:22,083 --> 00:21:25,661
because I'm off to Washington
with my running mate.
524
00:21:26,087 --> 00:21:27,720
[Cheers and applause]
525
00:21:27,839 --> 00:21:29,338
[Engine turns over]
526
00:21:29,474 --> 00:21:30,490
[Engine revs]
527
00:21:30,499 --> 00:21:32,512
Buckle up, buckaroo!
528
00:21:37,015 --> 00:21:38,859
[Cheers and applause]
529
00:21:39,029 --> 00:21:42,368
Sync and corrected by rickSG
www.Addic7ed.Com